


Tell Me How to Make it Right

by BatmanWhoLaughss



Series: The Importance of Being Ben [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apologies, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Internal Monologue, POV Ben Solo, POV First Person, POV Kylo Ren, Post-Canon, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Reconciliation, Spoilers, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:40:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22358065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BatmanWhoLaughss/pseuds/BatmanWhoLaughss
Summary: (Spoilers for Episode IX!)After the events of the film, Ben meets some old friends, and tries to make amends.(#2 in a series! I suggest reading part 1 first, but can also be read alone. Enjoy!)
Relationships: Leia Organa & Ben Solo, Leia Organa & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Luke Skywalker & Ben Solo, Luke Skywalker & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: The Importance of Being Ben [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1606558
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Tell Me How to Make it Right

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 of my Introspective Ben Solo series! Continues directly from where part 1 left off, so I suggest reading that one first, but this one can also be read alone if you like. Let me know what you think! I was really excited to write this scene- I really wonder what Ben's reconciliation with Luke and Leia would be if we got to see it in the films. 
> 
> Enjoy!!! Feedback is much appreciated, so definitely let me know what you think with comments/kudos. You can find part 1 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22320385 
> 
> More coming soon!

_ Darkness.  _

I don’t know how long I drifted before I opened my eyes. I remembered the throne room, Palpatine dying, Rey kissing me, then… nothing. Now, only an endless white space surrounded me. I sat up, dazed and disoriented, and tried to get my bearings. 

_ Where am I? What am I doing here?  _ Images came to me. Rey’s dead eyes staring back at me, my hand on her stomach, my eyes closed… 

_ Oh.  _ So. This is what dying felt like. 

I glanced down at myself, pleasantly surprised to see that I still had a body-- at least the appearance of one. Arms, legs… everything was all there. I was wearing the same thing I had been in the throne room, though my broken ankle seemed whole, able to support my weight. 

There was nothing surrounding me, just an endless abyss of white.  _ What am I doing here? _

I tried to remember something Luke had taught me, ages ago, about the Force. About how some Jedi became a part of the Force after they died, and how some could even retain their identity within it. 

_ Is that what this is? _ I could remember who I was. My parents, my life, my Jedi training. Would all of that fade in time? Was I just going to stay here forever? My head was swimming with questions that I had no idea how to answer.

I couldn’t just stand here. If I was a part of the Force now, would it still respond to me? Could I still touch it?

_ Worth a shot. _ I didn’t know what it would accomplish, but I closed my eyes and reached out to the Force, just as I had done when I was alive. I was surprised to find traces of energy all around me. It was stronger now, somehow more potent, and it seemed different than when I’d felt it before. Before, touching the Force felt natural, but took strength and power. But now? Now the energy was all around me, and touching it felt like breathing. Which… I guess I didn’t do anymore. 

I reached out, looking for… something. Anything, really, that would tell me what I was meant to do here. 

Hesitantly, I called out. “Hello? Is anyone there?”

There was nothing for a long time. I kept up the call, steadily losing hope that the Force would show me a sign. Then, right as I was starting to give up, I felt something. Not an answer, per say, but a presence, growing stronger and closer. I couldn’t tell what it was, only that it was seeking me out, almost desperately. And it was… familiar. As if I’d known it all my life. 

“Is someone out there?”

“Well, are you going to just stand there? Or are you going to give me a hug?”

I opened my eyes, taking a step backwards in shock. Leia Organa was wearing a simple white dress, the hood covering her hair, and she was smiling at me, like she always used to before I left. Before I fell.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Tears welled up in my eyes, threatening to spill over. I stepped closer to her, my arm rising to touch her, before falling down to my side again lamely.

“...Mom?”

Leia reached out, grabbing both my hands in hers. I didn’t even know if I could call her mom anymore, after all that happened.  _ Would she let me? _ Her hands were solid and warm, instead of the cold that I’d expected. The tears in my eyes began to fall, trickling down my face. She smiled wider.

“Ben.”

I couldn’t help it. The tears started falling harder, as I smiled wider than I had in years.

She pulled me in, wrapping her arms around me in a bone-crushing hug. I tensed, surprised at first. This couldn’t be real. I waited for the mirage to end, for her to push me away in disgust at what a monster I had become, but she didn’t. She just held me, stroking my hair the way she knew I liked, ever since I was a kid.

When she still didn’t pull away, I hugged her back, so tightly I thought I would crush her. I hung on for dear life as the tears kept coming, until I was full on sobbing against her. All these feelings I had buried for so long were bubbling up to the surface, and I was powerless to stop them. I’d missed my mother, more than anything in the years I’d been gone. I knew she should  _ hate me  _ for what I did to her, to my father, to the galaxy… but she was hugging me, letting me cry on her shoulder again. She found me in this strange place, when I was sure I was completely and totally alone.

I finally pulled back after what felt like ages, my eyes red and puffy. Leia had tears in her eyes too as she gently touched my face. I leaned into it, reaching to cover her hand with my own. 

I needed to tell her. “Mom?” My voice broke. “Mom, I… I’m so  _ sorry _ -”

“Ben,” she stopped me, her voice warm, but firm-- just the way I remembered it. “I am so  _ proud  _ of you.”

I would have been more shocked if she had slapped me across the face. I don’t know what I expected her to say, but that wasn’t it. 

“You’re- what?  _ Proud  _ of me?” 

“I knew you’d find your way home someday. I never stopped believing in you.” She was still smiling at me, that smile she reserved for those who couldn’t see the obvious. 

“You… god, how can you say that?” I had to make her understand. She should run from me. She should leave me in this place to rot. I didn’t deserve her. “I got you killed! Twice! I got so deep into the darkness that I didn’t care who I hurt. And… Dad…” I could feel myself choking up again. This was it. This was when she shoved me away, told me to get lost and never come near her again. I didn’t think I could take it.

Her eyes turned sad. I tensed, waiting for the inevitable rejection. “Ben.” I watched her face, trying to ignore how  _ good  _ it felt to hear her say my name again. “The Dark side is powerful- it corrupts everything it touches. You were caught in its path, but I knew you’d be strong enough to come back. I could still feel you in there, fighting Kylo Ren.”

“And Dad?” I was so ashamed that I couldn’t look at her. I stared at the ground in front of me. “I  _ killed him.  _ In cold blood. How can you forgive me for that?”

“Your father would be proud of you too. He knew what could happen if he confronted you when you were still in the Dark side’s clutches.” She smiled ruefully. “Besides, you’ve got the stubborn streak of both a Solo and a Skywalker. Can we blame you for being difficult?” 

Despite everything, I let out a watery laugh. She always had a knack for calming me down, for saying exactly what I needed to hear. I sighed, looking up at her again. “Mom… I’m so  _ sorry.  _ I don’t know how to begin to make it right.”

“Ben. We’re dead. I’d be a pretty bad mother if I let you feel guilty for all eternity. Luke forgives you, and so do I. It’s in the past. What matters is that you’re home. You did the right thing, when it really mattered. And knowing your father, he’s probably just impressed that you got the drop on him.”

“I… I don’t know what to say.” I felt like I was going to cry again. I hadn’t felt this many emotions at one time since… I don’t know when. “I missed you, Mom.”

“Oh honey. We missed you too.”

I smiled. It was impossible not to, when she was around. Something she said, though, made me pause. “Luke… came to me in Palpatine’s throne room. Said his mistakes led me to Snoke. But…”

“And I meant it, Ben.”

I looked up, startled. Luke stood behind my mother, wearing a matching smile and grey Jedi robes. My old teacher looked at me warmly, and I didn’t know whether to kneel before my master, or hug my uncle.

Luke laughed, coming closer and wrapping his arms around me. I settled for the hug, still not quite believing what was going on. I couldn’t understand how, after everything that happened, they could stand to look at me, let alone talk to me or hug me. Luke told me to forgive myself for Kylo Ren, but now that the heat of the moment had passed… I didn’t know if I really had.

“Master Luke.” Memories flashed through my mind. The night I joined Snoke. The temple. The other Jedi students. “Master, I… joined up with Snoke of my own free will. I don’t deserve this.”

“You joined Snoke because  _ I  _ failed you. I made a mistake-- a terrible one. I had a lapse in judgement that I still haven’t forgiven myself for, and pushed you away. And for that, Ben,  _ I’m _ sorry. I haven’t stopped trying to atone for that day.”

“I… I think I understand.” I could feel the truth of Luke’s words, the remorse emanating off of him. I’d hated him for so long for what he did, but now I could feel my anger fading away. “You told me to forgive myself. That I wasn’t a monster.” I hated how vulnerable I sounded, how afraid, but I couldn't help it. “How do I forgive  _ that much?  _ I can forgive you, but I’m not sure I can forgive Kylo Ren.”

Luke put a hand on my shoulder, staring at me knowingly. “Ben. Forgiveness, compassion, letting go of your feelings… this is the Jedi way. You have to put it behind you. Remember your mistakes, learn from them, but don’t let them weigh you down.” He jerked his head towards Leia, smiling. “Besides, you heard your mother. We don’t want to be stuck here with you moping around all the time. It’ll get boring.”

Somehow, I laughed again, even though I still felt the weight of my mistakes bearing down on me. I knew it would be a while before I was fully ready to let go, but I was still so shocked that they were willing to welcome me back that I put it out of my mind for now. 

“I missed you too, Master.” 

Somehow, even though I was dead, I felt more alive than I had in years. I felt the tension beginning to ease with every minute I spent with my mother and uncle, though it didn’t disappear entirely. I felt an empty spot where my father should be. I knew Han wasn’t Force-sensitive, so I knew he would never be able to be here, but I missed him all the same. There was so much I wanted to tell him, just like Luke and Leia, but I never would. The thought made my heart sink.

Leia kissed my cheek. The spot tingled with a unique kind of warmth. I had forgotten what that felt like. Sad thoughts of my father faded, as my heart soared. If being dead meant I had this forever, then I think I could live with that. I smiled at my mother and my master, as they led me forward. 

“Come on,” Luke said. “There’s someone else you should meet.”


End file.
